I didn't realize this scene was so long until putting it into this blog. Oh well...happy reading (to all three of you).
ACT I – FRIDAY
Act 1 Scene 1
Frog lights go down as Main Lights come up on a city scene – Paris. There's a revolving door Upstage Centre and exits Stage Left and Stage Right.
SONG #1 - "Ooh La La" (Cast)
This song is a montage of our three female Canadian tourists' first few HOURS in Paris. Music begins as Holly & Petra enter all bubbly and excited, then Temper trudges in. They are all wheeling in suitcases. Note: Petra also has a big bag/purse that she keeps with her and Temper has a small purse.
HOLLY(sings)
Ooh la la! I can't believe that we're in Paris
I'm so excited that we're here
PETRA (sings)
Ooh la la! I can't believe that we're in Paris
Can you believe we're finally here
Three Porters enter and “check them in” by taking their suitcases and exiting.
HOLLY & PETRA (Sing)
After all the planning and fundraising nights
And then flying Halifax to here non-stop
PETRA (SINGS)
I can't wait to see the sights
HOLLY (Sings)
I can't wait to shop!
Three Parisians – all wearing berets - enter and show the girls the “sights”.
PARISIANS (sing)
Ooh la la! We'd like to welcome you to Paris
We hope that you enjoy your stay!
Ooh la la! With all the things to do in Paris
You're bound to have a lovely day
Wine, cheese, mustard and sweet perfume
Souvenirs for family and friends
Scarves, little adorable plastic Eiffel Towers
Paris is where the shopping never ends
Pierre & Jacques enter – setting up “Pierre’s Café” as they sing along with Parisians
PARISIANS, JACQUES & PIERRE (sing)
Ooh la la! We're so glad that you're in Paris
JACQUES (sings)
Yeah, you're free to spend your money here
PIERRE (sings)
Ooh la la! We're gratified that you're in Paris
JACQUES (SINGS)
(directly to Holly...Temper notices this, rolls her eyes and looks away) May I interest you in a beer?
PIERRE (spoken)
Wine Jacques! Wine! What would (gestures to girls) our new American friends think if their first drink on French soil was....(disgusted) beer!
HOLLY
We're not Americans. We're Canadians. We love beer!
JACQUES
(getting closer to Holly, Temper rolls eyes, Pierre pours wine for Petra using a serving jug) I think I may love Canadians.
PIERRE
(raises glass in toast) Welcome to Gay Paree.
PETRA
Oh, we're not gay.
HOLLY
(nonchalantly) Speak for yourself
TEMPER
Holly you only date men...since when are you gay?
HOLLY
(shrugs) Ok, so maybe I'm not a Lesbian, but I can't promise I never will be. Half the world is made up of women...why would I deprive myself of fifty percent of the available possibilities?
Pierre begins pouring wine for Holly
TEMPER
I....I....can’t think of an argument for that…it..uh...actually makes sense. (smiles)
Pierre is so entranced with Holly that he continues pouring wine into her glass.... almost over-filling it - He catches himself just in time.
HOLLY
Anything is possible - even the possibility of something being impossible. (smiles a thank you at Pierre as Petra moves towards Holly’s wineglass)
PETRA
(takes Holly's very full glass of wine and pours most of it back in Pierre's serving jug) And extremes are bad for you.
HOLLY
(gestures to Pierre to fill her glass again, he does, but not quite so full) Yup. Including extreme moderation.
JACQUES
(closes in on Holly again) So, you're NOT gay. (smiles)
Temper rolls her eyes and suddenly stands to continue Ooh La La song.
TEMPER (sings)
Oh my God! Why the hell am I in Paris?
How could I let them drag me here?
Holly & Petra (SING)
(Petra pulls Temper back down to sit) Ooh la la! In time we know that you'll love Paris
TEMPER (SINGS)
I'll never leave behind the fear
Of flying in that plane...(stands) Never again!
PETRA (sings)
But how will you get home?
TEMPER (spoken)
I'll take a boat (sits - Jacques is laughing at her, Temper punches him on arm).
PARISIANS & PIERRE (sing)
Ooh la la! It's time to have some fun in Paris
A story of romance starts here
Holly, Petra & Temper (sing)
Ooh la la! Three Canadians in Paris
TEMPER (SINGS)
Can someone pass me down that beer (Jacques passes her a beer)
PARISIANS & PIERRE (SING)
Music, wine and Art await you
The French museums are beckoning
The bridges and Eiffle Tower call to you
PIERRE (sings)
It's enough to make you want to sing
PARISIANS (SING)
Ooh la la! It's time to have some fun in Paris
A story of romance starts here
HOLLY, PETRA & TEMPER (SING)
Ooh la la I can't believe that we're
Holly (SINGS)
In Paris
PETRA (SINGS)
In Paris
Temper (SINGS)
In Paris
CAST (SINGS)
Ooh la la!
SONG ENDS
The Parisians exit waving & saying "au revoir" etc, as Pierre, Jacques and the girls stay on in the cafe.
JACQUES
So you girls are from Canada? (moving in again on Holly).
TEMPER
Yes, we are (sarcastically) Eh. (stands) And now it's time to go do some explori...
Petra, Holly, Pierre, and Jacques all protest to this statement - the next four lines are all spoken at the same time over top of each other....
PETRA
Oh! But I'm tired and I need to use the toilet and...
HOLLY
But this is a real bona fide Parisian cafe. It's on my list…
PIERRE
Oh but my dear ladies you haven't finished your wine!
JACQUES
(teasing) Sorry. I didn't mean to make you so nervous.
TEMPER
(only hears Jacques and replies to him) You do not make me nervous (notices everyone else waiting for her decision) Fine. We can stay...but just a little longer AND (to Jacques) I'm gonna need another beer.
HOLLY
(to Petra) Hey, got any paper?
Petra points to her bag. During next few lines, Holly looks in it for paper...she ends up finding Temper's passport and takes that out instead... it's ok for audience to see this, but not essential. Temper and Petra should NOT notice this.
Jacques passes Temper a beer
PIERRE
So, you are Canadians. What brings you to our fair Paree?
TEMPER
Pushy friends (looks at girls)
PETRA
(in a German accent) Vee are taking zee break
HOLLY
A well-deserved break!
PIERRE
(to Holly) A.... break? (he breaks a piece of bread)
HOLLY
Some time off from working so hard. (smiles up at Pierre) A vacation.
PIERRE
(mostly to Holly) Ah. And what do you do in Canada when not "taking a break"?
PETRA
(continues German accent) I am za Librarian, she (pointing to Temper) is a book editor, and Holly...
PIERRE
(interrupts) Ah...mademoiselle Holly. Such a beautiful name (he kisses Holly’s hand, she giggles, Temper rolls eyes)
PETRA
(continues still in German accent) ... is za travel agent. Zhee got us some very good deals on zee airfares.
PIERRE
(looks at Petra after finishing with Holly's hand) Mademoiselle, excuse, but you are Canadian non? Perhaps German as well?
PETRA
(sheepishly, drops accent) Sorry, no, I do accents. Sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it.
PIERRE
(puzzled) you do...accents?
PETRA
(to the other girls) Was I doing an accent?
HOLLY
Yup.
TEMPER
German.
PETRA
(shrugs) Sorry. Anyway, that's what we're taking a break from.
HOLLY
Well, those are our jobs, but together we sing!
PIERRE
Sing?
PETRA
Together we're the Blue Angels. We're an a'ccapella trio. (Holly whispers an idea to Petra and Petra excitedly stands up) Monsieur perhaps we can sing for you!
TEMPER
(dangerously) Petra Marie Outhouse SIT down. (looks at her, Petra sits) What do you think this is, a 3-Act Musical or something?
(All characters - stop for a second, glance at the audience, shrug, and then continue what they were doing)
HOLLY
But Temper...
TEMPER
But nothing. You promised!
PETRA
Sorry Temper. (back in accent but this time French and speaking to Pierre) Vee are so sorry, uh… uh… sorry I do not know Monsieur’s name (pauses looks at him for name)?
PIERRE
(bows) You may call me Pierre.
PETRA
(in French accent) Sorry Pierre, zere will be no singing today. Perhapz another time.
JACQUES
Man! That's good! If I didn't know it, I'd think you really were French.
TEMPER
(Stands & quickly drains beer) Isn't that nice...ok girls. I really think it's time to...
Jacques turns to Temper who jumps a little in surprise at how close he is
JACQUES
So, I DO make you nervous.
TEMPER
No you don't. What are you talking about? I'm not nervous. I'm simply trying to save my friend from....
JACQUES
(closer) From?
TEMPER
A womanizing philanderer. (turns her back on him, takes wallet out of purse and tries to pay Pierre) How much for the drinks?
JACQUES
Did you hear that Uncle Pete? I'm a womanizing philanderer.
PIERRE
It zis a pity.
TEMPER
(to Pierre) He's your nephew? Sorry... (embarrassed... indicates wallet to Pierre) How much?
JACQUES
Beer’s on me (Temper turns, Jacques is much closer than she expected...again. They are eye to eye) and Wine's on him (gestures towards Pierre, then grins) To make up for my philanderizing.
TEMPER
Its "philandering".
JACQUES
Huh?
TEMPER
Not "philanderizing" (walks in front of Jacques towards other girls).
JACQUES
(to himself) Wow, tall! (follows Temper)
TEMPER
(turns back to him sharply) What was that?
JACQUES
(non-plussed) I… uh… it’s just…. um…. you’re taller than I thought you’d…
TEMPER
And?
JACQUES
(recovers his composure and resumes teasing tone) Well, I'm usually able to tower over the women I'm trying to philanderize.
Temper rolls eyes and urges Holly & Petra who both stand and make ready to leave
PIERRE
Jacques stop teasing. (to girls) Mademoiselles it was our pleasure. Perhaps you will visit again...
Pierre continues dialogue with Petra & Holly in background as Temper & Jacques converse
TEMPER
(to Jacques) Where are you from anyway? You are obviously not French.
JACQUES
(in French accent) Actually mademoiselle, I am. (Temper looks unconvinced). No, really. (Temper is still unconvinced and Jacques drops French accent)... well, half French anyway, on my Father’s side. And half American. I was raised in the States.
TEMPER
Ah. That explains it.
JACQUES
Don't tell me you're one of those stereo-typical Canadians who hate Americans stereo-typically.
TEMPER
Stereo-typically is not a word. (Jacques remains silent, she starts to turn away) Never mind.
JACQUES
(teasing) No really, I'm hurt... I mean it's not America's fault that I bug you so much.
TEMPER
(turns back annoyed) Oh.... (stamps foot) stop being such a baby! (this really seems to surprise Jacques for some reason) Girls, let's go.
Pierre & Jacques begin to move Café pieces off stage left and girls move towards Revolving door
HOLLY
H'ordeaurves Pierre! (waves to Pierre)
TEMPER
(to confused Pierre) She means Au Revoir. (pushes Holly through revolving door) Bye.
PETRA
Au Revoir!
Pierre & Jacques clear Café offstage and exit, girls “exit” through the revolving door – spinning around two or three times until they come back on stage and “enter” the streets of Paris.
HOLLY
(while still revolving calls out) See eh oh!
Girls are back on stage now in the street
PETRA
What was that?
HOLLY
See eh oh! Ok, so it's not French, but at least it's still European.
PETRA
See eh oh? Sounds more...Asian to me.
HOLLY
It's Italian! Everyone uses...
TEMPER
(interrupting) She means Ciao! Come on let's get going.
Girls slowly make way SR
HOLLY
(Quietly mouthing the new pronunciation to herself) Chow. Chow? Chow....
PETRA
(pauses CS) Ok. What should we do next?
Holly gets out “note pad” and begins writing
TEMPER
Oh definitely the Eiffel Tower, or the Louvre, or... (notices Holly) What are you doing?
HOLLY
I'm writing it all down.
TEMPER
Yeah, but what’s that you’re writing on... (suddenly concerned) Is that your passport?
HOLLY
(looks up from writing) No. Of course not! (resumes writing, pauses) It's yours. (looks up again) You were never gonna use those last few pages anyway, no one ever...
TEMPER
(interrupting) GIVE ME THAT!
Temper grabs passport from Holly and tries to put it in her purse but has to take out wallet because her purse is too small
HOLLY
Sorry Temper.
PETRA
Hey! We don't need to make a list anyway. Come on girls, we're on vacation. We're in Paris! No lists.
TEMPER
(to Petra) Can you put this in your bag? (indicating her wallet)
Petra opens her big bag and Temper drops wallet in
HOLLY
Petra's right. Let's just go with the flow.
PETRA
Speaking of "flow", (starts doing a "hafta-pee" dance) how do you say "where is the bathroom" in French?
TEMPER
Why didn't you go at the hotel?
PETRA
I did but then we drank beer at that cafe and I had wine too so we could linger and ogle the cute waiter some more.
HOLLY
(dreamy look) He was divine wasn't he? I think I might really lik.....
TEMPER
(interrupting) Look. You can't have fallen for the first cute guy we've encountered (looks at watch) less than 2 hours into our first outing in Paris.
HOLLY
But...
TEMPER
I know you want to (makes quote signs with hands) "fall in love" in "Paris", but Holly - come on! The very first man we see?
HOLLY
Alright, alright, I know. But I wish...
PETRA
(interrupts) I wish I'd gone to the toilet at that cafe.
HOLLY
Why didn't you?
PETRA
It was out of order (holds nose and shakes head indicating that it wasn’t out of order, but was too beneath her standards for her to use)
TEMPER
Shit Petra! Must you be so picky?
PETRA
It wasn't clean. (changes subject) And Temper we had an agreement about you swearing. Can we stick with it please? You know I hate it when you swear.
TEMPER
Sorry, sorry....I forgot. I just feel strange saying "Bleep" in a foreign country. (pause then has idea) How about Merde! While in Paris I'll swear in French. How about it eh?
PETRA
I just don't understand why you need to swear at all... and no, swearing in French is not ok....what will the French think?? Please can we just stick to our agreement? PLEASE?
TEMPER
Ok. Bleep it! When I need to swear (looks at Petra) and yes, sometimes I really need to swear, I will use the word "Bleep" in your presence. Ok. Let's go find a bathroom, then Eiffel Tower, here we come! Where are we now? Here's a street sign...(looks off stage-rightish and pretends to read) Rue St. Jacques (begins looking for map in her little purse)
PETRA
Rue St. Jacques? Really?
TEMPER
Petra do you have the map in your bag?
Petra hands Temper her bag and Temper starts looking for map
PETRA
(looking at road fascinated) I read about this road! Rue St. Jacques is an old Roman road...it was probably laid down here before 50 BC!!
Holly moves SL to gaze entranced at the road. Petra joins her and also gazes down at road.
TEMPER
(gives up looking for map) Petra it isn't here.
PETRA
(moves towards CS and back towards Temper) It should be. I took it out of my small purse so I could put it in the big bag.....oh! It's on the bed!
Temper looks annoyed and is about to say something when she's interrupted by Holly who is now kneeling and looking at the old road
HOLLY
WOW! I wonder how they managed to move something like this!
Petra and Temper look at Holly then look at each other askance and then both look back at Holly who at that point looks up at them
HOLLY
You know.... all the way from BC to here...
PETRA
(to Temper) What is she talking about?
Parisian Conga Line (made up of 5 or 6 male & female extras dancing single-file each with hands on waste of person in front of them) enters around this time – unnoticed by girls – and starts to snake towards where Holly is kneeling SL
TEMPER
(figures it out and rolls her eyes) Holly, "BC" does not mean British Columbia. (Conga Line begins chant quietly and slowly builds up volume. Temper shakes head, pulls Petra past her and urges her to move SR) Come on, let's find someplace where we can get a map... (Temper suddenly notices Conga Line behind her SL) Holly!
Holly is surrounded and “picked up” by the chanting Parisian Conga Line. Holly joins the line - becoming part of it and chanting along with it. Conga Line quickly makes its way behind Temper moving SR to pick up Petra. They chant the following song as they go.
SONG #2: Parisian Conga Line Chant – Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
PARISIAN CONGA LINE (SINGS)
Hurry, Hurry, Hurry
We're always on the go
Walking, Biking, Driving
(one PCL member yells) Hey you're way too slow!
Hurry Hurry Hurry
Heading back to work
Lunch is done now Hurry!
Get that coffee perked
Hurry, Hurry, Hurry
Hurriedly we go
Hurry, Hurry, Hurry
Don't interrupt the flow
Last verse is repeated until Conga Line has picked up Petra and then exited to opposite side of stage.
TEMPER
Petra! Holly?
SONG ENDS
Temper is now alone on stage… she pauses a moment then…
TEMPER
Bleeeeeeeep!
