Being Agnostic

As many of you (ALL of those multitudes of you who follow my blog... ha!) know, I'm trying to write 30 poems in 30 days during the month of November.  I will post many of them here in the coming weeks, but thought I'd add this one now.  It's Poem #13 and I read it at Open Mike & Donna last night.  It seemed to be received well.  Hope you like it too...

Being agnostic is often easy.
It opens my mind and beautifully stretches my ideas.
It is acknowledging other points of view.
It gives my opinionated self a chance to stand back and LISTEN...
and hear other opinions and find ways of respecting and valuing them.
Being agnostic can be noble and right and lit up and good.

Being agnostic can sometimes be difficult.
Confronting one's limitations in belief and reality can hurt the soul.
To know there are some views out there that my head can never encompass
(and remain sane), is frustrating and scary.
Being agnostic can be cowardly and an excuse to give in to my indecision.
Letting others define the world without caring about,
or even lightly touching on, their perspective
can be ugly and dark.

Being agnostic can be very lonely.
Believing that anything might be possible is very similar to believing in nothing.
And believing in nothing, accepting that there really is no meaning,
and understanding there may not even be a reality,
holds some of the most singularly loneliest moments I have ever experienced.
At least Atheists have SOMETHING not to believe in.
Sometimes.... I just have nothing.
Being agnostic can be quite sad.

But... every once in a while of winking realities...
Being agnostic is breathtakingly beautiful.
Having a clear mind on a transcendentally joyous day
can fill me up with so much power and light.
On these days, every lovely thing is not only possible but IS.
And I am part of that universe and life makes sense and "joy" is "God".
And everyone is able to find a satisfyingly wonderful reason to live.
And I can hear the music of reality and I am in harmony with it.
Every once in a while, being agnostic...
is the best part of being me.

In the Wings

Little dancers in the wings and flitting 'cross the stage
A realization of having been instrumental
A moment of knowing this particular magic would not have existed without me
It made me cry
The thought, the idea, still makes me smile
For a beat I knew why
I am here.

It's not very often that we get a chance to see
That some part of the world would not exist without "me"

Little ideas in my head and flitting through a brainstorm
Being overcome by powerful emotion
A moment of connecting with a real and true part of this dreamy existence
Brought me to tears
Of joy and pain at the same time
For a moment these years
Made sense

It's not very often that we get a chance to know
That in some parts of this song there are still ways to grow

Thanksgiving

The music in my head, the sounds on my tongue
The melody I live, the harmony in song

Thank you stars. Thank you 'verse.  Thank you for this life immersed
in the song, in the song...

The family I hold always in my thoughts
And the knowledge that I'm in all of their hearts

Thank you stars. Thank you 'verse.  Thank you for this life immersed
in the song, in the song...

The friends that I hug or who make me laugh,
who share deep conversations - all the friends that I have

Thank you stars. Thank you 'verse.  Thank you for this life immersed
in the song, in the song...

The job, the food, the shelter, the clothes
Things taken for granted which I have in droves

Thank you stars. Thank you 'verse.  Thank you for this life immersed
in the song, in the song... 

Thankfully... where I belong.

Words

Words
Why can't I ever find the words
That clarify all my ideas
In all my songs that hinge upon

Words
They're always on the tips of tongues
They lie and cheat and poke some fun
While I keep searching for the right one

Chorus
Words keep getting by me
Words behind me
Words beguile me
Words, words, words defy me

Words
Can be so very hard to say
Yet chatter all my thoughts away
And they can cage or they can... 

Free
Up all the thoughts inside my head
Just wish I understood what's said
So I could take them back instead

Chorus 2

Words keep getting by me
Words can bind me
Words terrify me
Words, words, words define me

Words
I need a few more for this song
Another verse and then I'm done
I don't know what I'm saying

Damn words
They never help me see the light
They make me toss and turn all night
And then they never come out just quite right...

Words  (end)

Jester Me

Music on the ocean breeze
Wishes that it was consequence free
But that just parks meaning on the fence
What the heck are we without consequence?

Sitting on the fence unable to decide
Cuz my eyes are open far too wide
They see all the possible paths and ways
Keeping me frozen in one place

The consequence is that I reside in ice
Inside, undiscovered.  Outside, simply nice
I need a plan that will warm my heart
But if cause does not effect, there's no place to start

Just me
Jester be
Simply anything
But consequence free

Just be
And really see
That nothing's simple for
Jester me.


All of our conversations
Ring with consequence evasions
"Oh, just happened by
and thought I'd just say hi."

Then there's nothing for a while
Except a fleeting, passing smile
No goal, no plan, no vision
Just happenstance collisions

What's wrong with committing to
Some time that holds me and you
Don't wanna be authority or "the man"
Just wanna be a part of your plan

Just be
With me
We'd make so much sense
If we had consequence

But just us
Is just a dream
Consequently
It's just me...

Jester me.

The Map

This one was difficult to pull out.... I'm not sure I like it yet.  Maybe it'll please me more when (if?) I add music...  What do you think? 

Verse 1

When I know where I’m going I never seem to get there

When I lose my way I get found

When I set a direction for my thoughts to travel

They go anyplace but where they were bound

When I try to unravel the meaning of things

When I attempt to map my charts

I get stuck in traffic on the lower plane

And trip over the fallen stars

First Chorus

Where do I go from here?

How do I fill in the gap?  

Which way should I face to find the end place?

Can somebody give me a map?

Verse 2

When I try to describe what I want out of life

When I attempt to make a plan

When the maps that I draw go round in circles

Is when I least understand who I am

Then at that moment, when all seems so lost

And it’s certain I don't know the way

I’m temporarily blinded by a flash of insight

Then see I am where I should stay

Second Chorus

Where do I go from here?

Where lightning strikes and thunder claps?

Where I can find some peace of mind

Where there’s no more need for maps

Break

Some have claimed to already have such a thing

The bible, the 8-fold path, the Quran

A map to the music, a map of the ‘verse

A map I can understand

Does a map even exist? 

Is there a plan I can find?

Am I really going someplace?

Or just wasting my time?

Verse 3

When I know where I’m going I find that I am

At odds with my inner clown

Who does not want to know the places we go

Who does not even need to be found

While I restlessly think of ways to go forward

And attempt to direct every step

She skips and she laughs, she follows no path

She’s the bravest I’ve ever met

Third Chorus

Where do I go from here?

Or should I stay and adapt?

How can I find the meaning of life

Do I need to create my own map?

Can somebody draw me

Or get me or buy me or sing me

Or sign me a map

Please somebody

Kiss me and hug me, laugh me and bug me,

Love me and and cry me, hello and goodbye me,

Keep asking oh why me….

and please help me find me…

the map.

Just Us & Chocolate

chocolate.
just chocolate
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