Ooh La La, Eh!

As I mentioned in my bio, I recently wrote a three-act musical comedy (well... at least I HOPE it's funny).  I haven't any time (or head space) to write anything else lately - certainly "The Agnostic Secretary" is at a solid stall.   So, in the meantime, I'm going to post my play in sections on a weekly basis.   I am currently workshopping the music with Michael McKay - the composer - so it's been on my mind again lately.  Once the music is finished (hopefully in August), we plan to produce the show sometime in early 2012 (you know, before the world ends).  After that, my hope is that we can get it published.  Once it catches the eye of a theatre bigwig in Toronto or New York or London, Mike and I will be able to sit back, relax and live off the royalties for the rest of our lives!!!  Ok, so that last bit may be stretching things a bit, but hey, working out those imagination muscles is good for the soul.  ANYWAY, here is the first installation of my three-act musical about three Canadian women who go on a mini-break to Paris, France.   It's called "Ooh La La, Eh!"    

PROLOGUE

Frog Light Up on an actor entering in a FAKE frog costume (i.e. google eyes glued to a green visor, green clothes and swimming flippers).  Frog delivers introduction in a really bad French accent.

KARL THE FROG:

(in fake French accent) Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs.  Welcome.  I am Karl the Frog.   You HAVE heard of me, no?  NO?  The Green Crusader? The Prince of Amphibians? The Slayer of Pesky Flies, Big & Small??  (pauses, shrugs)  Oh well.  It is of no matter.  But surely you have heard of my famous cousin…  Kermit?  Oui?  Oui?  (encourages audience to answer).  Well then, let me begin again.  Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs.  Welcome.  I am Karl, cousin of the famous Kermit the Frog!  (ala Kermit) Yeeeeeeah!!  Merci….merci.

You wonderful people have the privilege of watching a 3-Act musical comedy, written by Donna Holmes (music composed by Michael McKay).  It is about three Canadian women who decide to have a holiday weekend here in Paris, France. It is called Ooh La La (pauses, and now in funny Canadian accent finishes) Eh! (laughs to himself) Oh man, I love that! 

(back in French accent) Anyway, as I mentioned, this is a comedy.  Please feel free to laugh, applaud or (yells) woooo weee (back to normal voice) as you are moved to do so.   However, there is one noise that is never acceptable to sensitive froggy thespian ears and that is…

The rest of the cast stick their heads out from backstage and make cell phone ring noises as Frog covers ears in apparent agony

FROG

Arggghhh…. please make it stop!  Make it stop!  (cast stops and disappear backstage. Frog continues in normal voice)… So if you would be so kind as to turn off all such electronic devices - except pace makers and the like of course – I would be eternally grateful.   One more thi…

Frog is interrupted by a cast or crew member trying to whisper something to him from offstage

INTERRUPTER

(sticks head out but is barely audible) Armchair.

FROG

Sorry, what was that? 

INTERRUPTER

(louder) Armchair, don’t forget the armchair bit. 

FROG

(looks back at interrupter) What?  Look I’m just trying to finish my little intro here…. (gestures to audience)

INTERRUPTER

(yells) ARMCHAIR!  (disappears back stage)

FROG

(finally understands, turns back to audience) Oh yes, of course!  Pardon moi s'il vous plait, I almost completely forgot.  The author would like me to emphasize that this is an ARMCHAIR-ANGLAPHONE’S version of France.  So, apologies in advance to any real (starts counting off on fingers) Parisians, Linguists, frogs, Americans, French-Canadians, and other beings, slimy or otherwise, who feel slighted.  Slighting is completely intentional.  

INTERRUPTER:  (sticks head back out and yells) UN-intentional.

FROG: Oh! Oui, oui, oui.  Sorry… Any imagined slighting is completely UN-intentional. (winks)  And finally, I would just like you to know that no REAL frogs will be maimed, tortured, chopped up, or eaten during the course of today’s production.  Tomorrow maybe, but not today (pauses, then laughs) just kidding.  Merci for your patience ladies and gentlemen and now, on with the show!  

Frog does not exit yet.  Frog lights go down as Main Lights come up on a city scene - Paris.

FROG

(in dark) Ahem

Main Lights fade back down and Frog light quickly comes back up

FROG

(to audience)  So sorry, excuse…. One more thing.  (FROG holds up signs as he says) Act 1, Scene 1, The Streets of Paris.  (nods to lighting booth & exits)

STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF   "OOH LA LA, EH!' (namely Act 1, Scene 1) SOMETIME NEXT WEEK.  ADIEU!   ;o)