Ooh La La, Eh!

As I mentioned in my bio, I recently wrote a three-act musical comedy (well... at least I HOPE it's funny).  I haven't any time (or head space) to write anything else lately - certainly "The Agnostic Secretary" is at a solid stall.   So, in the meantime, I'm going to post my play in sections on a weekly basis.   I am currently workshopping the music with Michael McKay - the composer - so it's been on my mind again lately.  Once the music is finished (hopefully in August), we plan to produce the show sometime in early 2012 (you know, before the world ends).  After that, my hope is that we can get it published.  Once it catches the eye of a theatre bigwig in Toronto or New York or London, Mike and I will be able to sit back, relax and live off the royalties for the rest of our lives!!!  Ok, so that last bit may be stretching things a bit, but hey, working out those imagination muscles is good for the soul.  ANYWAY, here is the first installation of my three-act musical about three Canadian women who go on a mini-break to Paris, France.   It's called "Ooh La La, Eh!"    

PROLOGUE

Frog Light Up on an actor entering in a FAKE frog costume (i.e. google eyes glued to a green visor, green clothes and swimming flippers).  Frog delivers introduction in a really bad French accent.

KARL THE FROG:

(in fake French accent) Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs.  Welcome.  I am Karl the Frog.   You HAVE heard of me, no?  NO?  The Green Crusader? The Prince of Amphibians? The Slayer of Pesky Flies, Big & Small??  (pauses, shrugs)  Oh well.  It is of no matter.  But surely you have heard of my famous cousin…  Kermit?  Oui?  Oui?  (encourages audience to answer).  Well then, let me begin again.  Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs.  Welcome.  I am Karl, cousin of the famous Kermit the Frog!  (ala Kermit) Yeeeeeeah!!  Merci….merci.

You wonderful people have the privilege of watching a 3-Act musical comedy, written by Donna Holmes (music composed by Michael McKay).  It is about three Canadian women who decide to have a holiday weekend here in Paris, France. It is called Ooh La La (pauses, and now in funny Canadian accent finishes) Eh! (laughs to himself) Oh man, I love that! 

(back in French accent) Anyway, as I mentioned, this is a comedy.  Please feel free to laugh, applaud or (yells) woooo weee (back to normal voice) as you are moved to do so.   However, there is one noise that is never acceptable to sensitive froggy thespian ears and that is…

The rest of the cast stick their heads out from backstage and make cell phone ring noises as Frog covers ears in apparent agony

FROG

Arggghhh…. please make it stop!  Make it stop!  (cast stops and disappear backstage. Frog continues in normal voice)… So if you would be so kind as to turn off all such electronic devices - except pace makers and the like of course – I would be eternally grateful.   One more thi…

Frog is interrupted by a cast or crew member trying to whisper something to him from offstage

INTERRUPTER

(sticks head out but is barely audible) Armchair.

FROG

Sorry, what was that? 

INTERRUPTER

(louder) Armchair, don’t forget the armchair bit. 

FROG

(looks back at interrupter) What?  Look I’m just trying to finish my little intro here…. (gestures to audience)

INTERRUPTER

(yells) ARMCHAIR!  (disappears back stage)

FROG

(finally understands, turns back to audience) Oh yes, of course!  Pardon moi s'il vous plait, I almost completely forgot.  The author would like me to emphasize that this is an ARMCHAIR-ANGLAPHONE’S version of France.  So, apologies in advance to any real (starts counting off on fingers) Parisians, Linguists, frogs, Americans, French-Canadians, and other beings, slimy or otherwise, who feel slighted.  Slighting is completely intentional.  

INTERRUPTER:  (sticks head back out and yells) UN-intentional.

FROG: Oh! Oui, oui, oui.  Sorry… Any imagined slighting is completely UN-intentional. (winks)  And finally, I would just like you to know that no REAL frogs will be maimed, tortured, chopped up, or eaten during the course of today’s production.  Tomorrow maybe, but not today (pauses, then laughs) just kidding.  Merci for your patience ladies and gentlemen and now, on with the show!  

Frog does not exit yet.  Frog lights go down as Main Lights come up on a city scene - Paris.

FROG

(in dark) Ahem

Main Lights fade back down and Frog light quickly comes back up

FROG

(to audience)  So sorry, excuse…. One more thing.  (FROG holds up signs as he says) Act 1, Scene 1, The Streets of Paris.  (nods to lighting booth & exits)

STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF   "OOH LA LA, EH!' (namely Act 1, Scene 1) SOMETIME NEXT WEEK.  ADIEU!   ;o) 

Super Cow Comic #3

(Click on comic to zoom in bigger.  Click twice to zoom in HUMONGOUS.  After you read the comic, hit the back arrow - top left corner - THEN read the text below the comic... for full effect.)      ;o)

* Can Super Cow escape Mr. Mean's diabolical drawing??
* Will Mr. Mean ever figure out a way to hold his cat???
* Will the author EVER get past the "armless" jokes????
* Must evil geniuses REALLY have twirly chairs, or would a comfy plaid recliner suffice?

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF SUPER COW!!!!
(ahem... the author would like to stipulate here that she has no idea how this might turn out or even if there'll BE another episode.  Just saying. )        :o)

Goodbye Glamour Girl

Walking along the railroad tracks

Smoking to be cool

Drinking under nearby bridges

Regular teen fools

Discussing our current crushes

Painting her purple walls

Admiring her ability to always be chic

With her I felt so gangly tall

My awkwardness was a foil to her

My disagreement incurred her wrath

My cautiousness made her impatient

My naiveté made her laugh

High school shapes your destiny

It can heal and it can scar

And the people who you befriend there

Become a part of who you are

But I let this friendship fade away

She didn’t like when I was strong

And I had found my inner strength

And it was time to live MY song

So I let this friendship fade away

Didn’t answer when she called

I wasn’t there, I couldn’t be

And now.... and now that’s all.

I miss that stylish, glamour girl

My first Annapolis Valley friend

She will always be in my memories

And be a part of who I am.

Super Cow Comic #2

You would NOT believe what it took for me to finally find a way of adding this pic/comic to this blog.  It fought me every inch of the way.   The first one didn't give me this much trouble.  Hmmm...  Mr Mean must've gotten his hands on it....uh, I mean... his evil machines to gum up the works or something.   Anycow, I hope you like it...   ;o)  

Mean To Me

Spring is stuttering and trying to start

While I search for magic in the dark

And as the world brightens, through cold that is weaning

I remain confounded and looking for meaning.

Pleasant weekend that has almost run its course

Tries winning its fight against time’s ancient force   

But Monday approaches with its mind-boggling mist

I seriously doubt I’ll find its gist

Then the days and the weeks and the months saunter by

There go the seasons as time starts to fly

My questions become diluted in the calendar dance

And I stop believing in any significance

The years start to carve lines in my face

My heart grows comfortable in its lonely place

Middle-age body full of achy joints

Remains unconvinced that there’s any point

Yet...

I still search for magic in this senseless life

While fighting the shadows and holding off strife

Using laughter and music to fight off the cry

I have a feeling, I will never know why.

Long... drawn-out... albeit hopeful... sigh.

Yappy Little Dogs

So I used to detest yappy little dogs.  I always imagined that when I walked by their yard, and they started barking, that their yaps were actually saying things like “GET OFF MY YARD”, “I HATE YOU”, “I WANT TO BITE YOU BIG TIME” or when I was feeling especially murderous towards the little buggers: “DON’T COME NEAR ME!!” or  “ARRRGHHHHH HELP, SHE’S GOING TO KILL ME”.   You get the idea.  The older I got the more these damn little dogs annoyed the hell outa me.  The amount of trouble I started going through in an attempt to avoid them altogether (like walking blocks out of my way etc) was becoming ridiculous. 

Until one day (in the early stages of my ongoing and snail-paced ‘awakening’), it finally dawned on me that what I thought they were saying to me... was completely my own invention.   Suddenly I realised I was free to imagine they were saying anything to me.  Now everytime I see a little yappy dog I imagine they’re saying things like:   “I LOVE YOU’  ‘HI, I’M ADORABLE - DO YOU HAVE FOOD?’ ‘WANT TO COME PAT ME?” “LET’S PLAY, WANNA PLAY, WHO WANTS TO PLAY, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!” etc.  

That one thought transformed my feelings about yappy dogs overnight.  Now I can’t wait to walk past little yappy dog’s yards.  They seem so cute and welcoming and EXCITED!  My perception of their infinite joy is completely uplifting.  

So yeah, weird eh.  Cuz the next thought I had was to remind myself that, well first, that I’ve been imagining a lot of intelligence inside little yappy dogs and second, that my perception of what PEOPLE think of me (before they even speak) can be just as easily self-manipulated.  Someone said to me once “What you think of me is none of my business”.   Now it makes sense.  Does this post make any sense?  Probably not, but hey at least now it’s done.   :O)

Super Cow Comic #1

At our last writers' group meeting, the facilitator (the lovely Liz) gave us each a "Comic Strip Worksheet" that contained 6 boxes, with what looked like two "Sorry" game pieces inside each.   She asked us to write a converstion between our main character and our villain.  This is what I came up with. I LOVE it but I have a very juvenile sense of humour so keep that in mind when you read it (IF you take the time to bother reading it that is).   Hope you have an udderly fabulous day!   - Donna.   PS... click on the comic to see a bigger version.  :o)